Two compliments in one
One of the highest compliments I can give to a person is to say that they are “thoughtful.” To me, a thoughtful person does two things:
- Considers and expresses intellectual ideas with care. This manifests in a myriad of ways: articulating the nuance in a complex idea instead of glossing it over; listening and asking targeted questions to gather information instead of jumping to a conclusion, yet being unafraid to make clear judgments when needed; demanding rationality and consistency in one’s own belief system.
- Concerns themselves with the needs of other people and takes action accordingly. This means listening for what other people like and care about and taking action with that information in mind. This too has multiple practical manifestations: helping someone with chores or errands during a busy time, carefully choosing the right words of praise for an important milestone, sending a specifically selected gift.
Unsurprisingly, “care” is an important word operating here. (Indeed, one of the organizations I led in high school had the motto “Caring — our way of life,”1 and this is still a value I hold today.)
When you use a word like “thoughtful” or “care,” do you think of this double meaning?
Two Chinese terms
I love finding Chinese terms that don’t have a succinct English translation. (Aside: My favorite word in this category is 巧 (qiǎo), which can refer both to a person’s “deft” and “skillful” hands as well as to an “opportune” moment. The word bounces when you pronounce it in Mandarin, calling to mind a graceful gymnast vaulting upward.)
Two Chinese terms of praise that don’t have succinct English translations reveal how the culture perceives thoughtfulness as being inseparable with thoughtful action:
- 眼力见儿 (yǎn lì jiànr) literally translates to “eye power seeing.” Wiktionary says this term refers to “one’s ability to see what needs to be done,”2 but 眼力见儿 is not just about observation — it’s about proactiveness, too. Someone with 眼力见儿 proactively perceives what needs to be done in a situation without being asked, and then takes action to resolve the situation, all without being prompted. A common domestic example of 眼力见儿 is a child who notices that the dishes need washing and leaps up from their chair to start the dishes without anyone saying a word.
- 懂事 (dǒng shì) literally translates to “understands matters.” This is a favorite phrase that Chinese parents use to praise children for behaving maturely. The implication is that a child exhibits adult-like behavior because they’ve built the understanding and empathy to know what they need to do. Note that the way you demonstrate 懂事 is not by speaking and explaining what you understand, but by taking concrete, observable actions that reveal that you have the understanding. I love that the character for “understand” includes the characters for heart (忄) and heavy (重).
Thank you to Renjie for inspiring this post.