thoughtfulness

Two compliments in one

One of the highest compliments I can give to a person is to say that they are “thoughtful.” To me, a thoughtful person does two things:

  • Considers and expresses intellectual ideas with care. This manifests in a myriad of ways: articulating the nuance in a complex idea instead of glossing it over; listening and asking targeted questions to gather information instead of jumping to a conclusion, yet being unafraid to make clear judgments when needed; demanding rationality and consistency in one’s own belief system.
  • Concerns themselves with the needs of other people and takes action accordingly. This means listening for what other people like and care about and taking action with that information in mind. This too has multiple practical manifestations: helping someone with chores or errands during a busy time, carefully choosing the right words of praise for an important milestone, sending a specifically selected gift.

Unsurprisingly, “care” is an important word operating here. (Indeed, one of the organizations I led in high school had the motto “Caring — our way of life,”1 and this is still a value I hold today.)

When you use a word like “thoughtful” or “care,” do you think of this double meaning?


Two Chinese terms

I love finding Chinese terms that don’t have a succinct English translation. (Aside: My favorite word in this category is 巧 (qiǎo), which can refer both to a person’s “deft” and “skillful” hands as well as to an “opportune” moment. The word bounces when you pronounce it in Mandarin, calling to mind a graceful gymnast vaulting upward.)

Two Chinese terms of praise that don’t have succinct English translations reveal how the culture perceives thoughtfulness as being inseparable with thoughtful action:

  • 眼力见儿 (yǎn lì jiànr) literally translates to “eye power seeing.” Wiktionary says this term refers to “one’s ability to see what needs to be done,”2 but 眼力见儿 is not just about observation — it’s about proactiveness, too. Someone with 眼力见儿 proactively perceives what needs to be done in a situation without being asked, and then takes action to resolve the situation, all without being prompted. A common domestic example of 眼力见儿 is a child who notices that the dishes need washing and leaps up from their chair to start the dishes without anyone saying a word.
  • 懂事 (dǒng shì) literally translates to “understands matters.” This is a favorite phrase that Chinese parents use to praise children for behaving maturely. The implication is that a child exhibits adult-like behavior because they’ve built the understanding and empathy to know what they need to do. Note that the way you demonstrate 懂事 is not by speaking and explaining what you understand, but by taking concrete, observable actions that reveal that you have the understanding. I love that the character for “understand” includes the characters for heart (忄) and heavy (重).

Thank you to Renjie for inspiring this post.

authentic characters

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A Streetcar Named Desire and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof are two of my favorite plays, both written by Tennessee Williams. In “Swinging a Cat,” an essay that discusses how Williams collaborated with director Elia Kazan, scholar Bryan Parker writes:

A recurrent disagreement between Williams and Kazan…was that Kazan…considered that events should be shown to alter character, whereas Williams believed that [events] could only reveal what was basic and unchanging in a personality.

This is an enlightening point. Williams’s plays succeed because the unchanging characters have a magnetic authenticity. It turns out events do not change the core character; instead, they reveal how a character always was. For example, Stanley’s rape of Blanche completely alters Blanche’s outward behavior, but what remains for the reader is the sensation that Blanche has “always depended on the kindness of strangers” — and it is the twistedness of how that hasn’t changed that wrings the reader’s heart.

EDIT (2018-03-27): I have discovered an AMAZING episode of The Simpsons with a hilarious parody of streetcar. If you know the play, it is so worth your time.

teamwork and tools

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One of the most powerful lessons on teamwork that I learned while working at Dropbox is that a team’s default norms and tools have a *huge* effect on how connected and productive people are. When you use tools designed to promote transparent, collaborative behavior, there can be a real and substantial effect on how people work together. Even a single product feature can play a part in shaping a team’s culture for the better.

It turns out technology isn’t just about making things faster or making processes simpler. Technology can help people feel empowered to take action and move forward. Technology can help people feel confident about the work that they’ve done. Technology can help people stay accountable to their teammates. And technology can help people feel recognized for the great work that they do every day.

I’m so proud of the amazing people that worked on viewer info. Thank you all!

 

the visitors

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A scene from Ragnar Kjartansson’s The Visitors. Photograph taken by the author at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, October 2017.

There is a beautiful work by Ragnar Kjartansson in which eight musicians are filmed in eight different rooms of a mansion, all independently playing the same song, using a colored-pencil score, all in one take. The result is striking, moving, wondrous, and left me with a gracious envy and desire for musical connection.

On view at the SF MoMA through January 1, 2018.

Also notable were Céleste Boursier-Mougenot’s soothing, zen temple-like clinamen v.2 and Brian Eno’s New Urban Spaces Series #4: “Compact Forest Proposal” which created a Turrell Dark Space-esque discovery experience.

Thank you to Tanay for recommending the work and to Sang for experiencing it with me.

EDIT (2023-03-20): The Visitors has returned to the SF MoMA and will be on view through June 2024. My emotional experience was just as deep the second time. I can’t recommend going more highly.

a reason for being

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生き甲斐 (ikigai), raison d’etre, reason to live.

I like this Euler diagram because it elucidates different types of “lack” that we might feel in what we do every day. My peers who work in the technology, finance, and professional services industries tend to speak of having “Satisfaction, but feeling of uselessness” or “Comfortable, but feeling of emptiness.” Musician friends speak of “Delight and fullness, but no wealth.”

personal growth plan

A personal growth plan is a document that helps you figure out your personal and professional goals, map out the path to get there, and ask for support from the people around you. In a personal growth plan, you set aside the objectives and plans at your current jobs and engagements, focusing instead on yourself and your career development.

For me, seeing consistencies and changes in my personal growth plan gave me the clarity I needed to decide to focus my next year on growing as a creative musician. My first personal growth plan a year ago was centered on how I could succeed as a product manager. My second personal growth plan a year later helped me see that although my short-term goals had changed, my long-term goals hadn’t. I had stronger ambitions for how people would perceive me than I had earlier dared to express. And my increasing desire to explore music wasn’t necessarily just a fluke or a hobby; it was actually deeply enmeshed in my desire to create experiences that move and matter.

I never fully finished my second personal growth plan. What’s below are the key pieces I had written when I paused, realized that I knew enough that I wanted to direct my life differently, and began to take action.

At the end of the day, I’m incredibly fortunate to have had options. I considered continuing to explore my musical side with 10-20 hours a week, as I was already doing, and to see if anything took off before I took more drastic action. I realized, though, that I could give myself the luxury of a year to focus on exploring music with much more of my time and energy, and learn more about myself sooner. I decided to take that path. We’ll see how it goes!


Personal brand
I want to be known for…

  • Creating experiences that genuinely move and matter to people
    “Wow. That was a powerful experience.” Listening to that gave me the chills.” I felt like I was floating.”
    “Her subtleties transform what could be cliche into something beautifully nuanced and breathtaking.”
    “Her work made me think about my life and relationships differently.”
  • Leading toward ambitious goals with both inspiring vision and practical execution
    “She helped us believe that we could achieve this crazy awesome goal by showing us how awesome it would be. By introducing X, Y, and Z, she then directly helped us to reach that goal.”
    “She oozes competence.” I can always rely on her.” I’m excited to follow her lead.”
  • Caring deeply about helping people achieve their goals
    “I faced an important life problem, and she helped me figure it out.”
    “She helped me get that opportunity. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her.”
    “I know and feel that she truly cares about helping me achieve my goals and dreams.”
  • Expressing authentic vulnerability and passionate joy
    “Her self is evident in her work.”
    “She shares her true self with me. I know that I can trust her with my real thoughts and feelings.”
    “She looks really happy and engaged right now. You can tell that she’s totally in her element.”
Long-term objectives
Years and years from now, I want to…
  • Continue building close relationships and a caring family
  • Do work that helps people become more confident, caring, and thoughtful
  • Create, direct, and perform beautiful, moving music
Short term objectives
In the next 6–12 months, I want to
  • unfinished
Goals (6–12 months)
Can be product, career, personal, skill development, etc
Skills/Experiences
What steps must I take in the next 6–12 months to achieve this goal?
People
Who can support me and how?
unfinished unfinished unfinished

 

the chorus as performing artist

This article was originally written in response to a barbershop music event, and was intended for a barbershop chorus music leadership team. I’m sharing it here, as I think many of the ideas are more universal.

The case for an increased focus on entertainment and showmanship.

The ideas below are “strong opinions, weakly held” — which means I’ve phrased many of them in a direct and opinionated way in order to encourage dialogue, but I’m not actually married to any particular ideas, and I’m very curious to hear what you think, including where you might disagree or have deeper insight. Let me know if you’d ever like to chat about this!

Know, as you read, that I love our chorus and SAI¹ dearly. And, I think it’s important to be candid about things that can be improved, and that’s why I’m writing.

[0] What triggered me to want to write this?

If you’re like me, you prefer singing to watching other people sing. 😉 One of the things I really appreciated about this barbershop music workshop, however, was that she not only focused our attention on watching international barbershop chorus packages, but also juxtaposed them with videos of musical theater performances like Ain’t Misbehavin’ and West Side Story.

This is an embarrassing thing to admit, because I sing in two barbershop choruses and love the art form dearly, but to be totally candid, I found the musical theater performances much more entertaining than most of the barbershop chorus performances we saw. Granted, I could chalk it up to professional vs. amateur performers, or to targeted vs. generic filming, or to familiar vs. unfamiliar genre (I’m still fairly new to barbershop). But it got me thinking:

  1. What makes a performance excellent, in general?
  2. Are there inherent factors about the form and genre of barbershop choral performances that make it hard to be entertaining?
  3. Can we, a versatile and multi-genre performing artist, adopt best practices from performances in other genres?

[1] What makes a performance excellent, in general?

To me, an effective performance is an experience that moves you in some way:

  • physically — e.g. you want to get up and dance! You Make My Dreams
  • emotionally — e.g. you feel tears well up. this scene from Up
  • intellectually — e.g. you see a life situation in a new light or with clearer focus. Beautiful

An effective performance also entertains you. You’re captivated, in the moment of the performance; your attention never leaves. There are three factors that I’ve noticed consistently entertain me:

  • story — often this means plot; sometimes it’s also character, or capturing a mood or a moment within a broader story. e.g. ballet, opera, and musical theater almost always have plot.
    • for a barbershop example, Ronnige’s Magic to Do was stunning — they could have easily performed the same song as a much faster uptune, but instead they turned it into a slower and sultrier thing. Their choreography is all about creating a sense of mystique and magic. The music and the performance feed off each other.
  • contrast — contrast equals interest. just as the eye is drawn toward places where the lightest light and the darkest dark are juxtaposed, we need change and contrast in our performances — whether that’s harmonic, dynamic, rhythmic, visual, storywise, or otherwise — to keep us engaged.
    • for a barbershop example, I’ve always been a fan of Harmony Celebration’s Dancing in the Streets of New Orleans. you’re taken on a wild ride of dynamic and color changes paired with choreographic motion that enhances the excitement of the story. the song is never too much of the same thing.
  • talent & skill — you have to be good at what you do, no question; otherwise you won’t be effective at telling the story. for us, this means there are no shortcuts to good vocal production and sync — those things are a given.

[2] Observations about barbershop and SAI that affect our performances

A lot of barbershop music sounds similar

I actually personally think there’s a lot of diversity in barbershop music, but many others have told me that a lot of barbershop songs sound very similar. All those seventh chords, after all. Nothing wrong with that of course, but it’s worth thinking about how this relates with the need for contrast in order to successfully entertain. There’s a reason why SAI only requires 1 out of 4 entertainment package songs to be a fully traditional barbershop tune.

Barbershop societies rely on judging scores

High scores are often, but not always, correlated with moving performances. Signature’s performance of Dance with My Father has been shared as one of the most moving ballad performances in history — but if you look at the comments, you can see that some people are confused about why their singing and music scores are so high:

  • “I don’t really understand how it got the highest score of the contest in the MUS and SNG categories. Putting aside how moving it was, there seemed to be other arrangements in this contest that were more perfectly in the barbershop style and were executed with fewer issues…”
  • “An emotional impact this strong is certainly enough to outweigh other factors in the performance category, but should it really be able to outweigh the other factors in the MUS and SNG categories?”

My candid reaction is — who cares?!? This is one of the most moving performances ever. That’s what matters, not whether they got high scores, or shouldn’t have gotten high scores. So, be aware — a focus on scores can distract from a focus on moving performance.

Also worth asking ourselves — who do we care most about entertaining? Other barbershoppers, or people outside of the barbershop societies? I’m personally more motivated to about the latter, in part because it’s a broader audience — though I think we can do both.

SAI places heavy emphasis on choruses over quartets/soloists

BHS² has three rounds of quartet contests and only one round of chorus finals, plus a youth quartet competition. SAI has two rounds of quartet contests and two rounds of chorus contests, plus a small chorus competition. Notice the difference? Yup, there’s a bigger emphasis on quartets in BHS than in SAI. (If I had time, I’d look up quartet membership and chorus membership ratios in both organizations; but I’m pretty sure I know the rough answer.)

I’ve also noticed that many women in our Region are afraid to sing pickup tags and quartets. Sure, you might chalk it up to women’s cultural conditioning to be more interested in socializing and less interested in tagging — but, I wonder (and maybe it’s politically incorrect, but I’ll just be candid) whether it might also be that SAI people are less confident and more self-conscious about singing on their own than BHS people. I hope we can help to change this part of the SAI culture.

The thing that’s weird to me is that in most traditional music genres, the chorus number is often a special occasion, not the only feature. In Handel’s Messiah, after soloists’ arias and recitatives, the chorus explodes into the climactic joy of “Glory to God in the Highest” while the trumpets blare. Masquerade from The Phantom of the Opera is a colorful cacophony of costumes, creating a festive atmosphere. And even when choruses are more common, soloists are critical. The company in Hamilton is involved in nearly 60% of the numbers, and plays a critical role in filling out the tonal quality of the musical, but people need individual characters like Washington and Eliza to latch onto. Without those individuals, the story wouldn’t be nearly as engaging, and there wouldn’t be contrast in who’s taking the stage.

One sort-of-exception to this rule is symphonies. But even symphonies often have brief solos and contrasting musical textures with different instruments brought out.

Stories need faces

I still remember when someone in the audience mentioned that one of the performances of a “wagon wheel” barbershop song was less engaging because the camera never zoomed into the individuals’ faces. Faces are immensely powerful for storytelling; when people watch a compelling performance, it’s not just the music, but also people’s faces, that moves them to tears. When I watch a barbershop chorus perform, I’m usually not watching the whole chorus — I’m usually watching a few individuals at a time.

[3] What best practices could we adopt to become more performance-focused?

“Performing” isn’t an afterthought. It’s embedded into the music part of rehearsal.

Character shouldn’t be something you only think about in the last two weeks that you’re working a song. What if we discussed the message of the song at the same time that people first start learning and listening to their music (even if the chorus can’t necessarily execute that expressiveness quite yet)? What if the director regularly shared with the chorus how the message of the song shapes their musical and expressive decisions?

I also think we can dedicate some more rehearsal time and energy toward visual engagement, choreography, and staging. We know this is a growth area for us; let’s put our time where our goals are!

Create coherent sets that tell a story

For the past while, our shows have been a mix of songs in our current repertoire, chosen for general contrast (good), but without an overarching story (less good). What if — like we’re doing for Harmony Classic — every show we did had a central theme? What if we chose our show repertoire months in advance, just like we do for competitions?

Also — dumb, or maybe not-so-dumb, idea — in college, a lot of a cappella groups use hokey but funny skits in between songs to thread through the set, provide continuity and plot, and keep people laughing. What if we did a classier version of this?

Make every song a special performance

I’m thinking again of Ronnige’s Magic to Do and how they infused it with meaning, from the musical choices like tempo to the costume / choreography / staging choices. That song wasn’t just a song; it was a production, all in service of one artistic vision. What if we made each and every song we do that special? What if every song in our set could be someone’s favorite song from our performance?

Choose set ideas that really resonate with people

I think it can be argued that you shouldn’t create art for the sake of catering to the masses — that you should create art only for yourself, and it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t resonate with others. In my view, however, if you want to create art that is truly relevant for people, then you need to listen, and respond to what you hear. What if we thought carefully about what the people in New York City want to hear about, want to laugh about, want to dance to? What if we used that as a basis for our set and our story?

Contrast = interest

If the song is sounding too much the same, how can we create musical contrast — in the tone, in dynamics, in specific phrases? Instead of performances with only a large chorus structure, how might we work in small ensembles, quartets, duets, and solos? How might we choose repertoire that allows us to move people in different ways, but still with a sense of cohesion?

Core skills, of course

We should never stop growing core skills of vocal production, sync, etc. We need that in order to tell an effective story. But we should also agree — moving and entertaining is better than perfect!

Other

Singing for us vs. singing for them

We are not just a performing artist, it’s true. We are a community, and being a community is a critical part of our identity. When we sing, we should be singing for our own enjoyment. But, ambitious as we are, that can’t be our only goal. A performance isn’t a performance unless we also successfully convey something meaningful to our audiences.

¹ SAI = Sweet Adelines International, i.e. the women’s barbershop organization.
² BHS = The Barbershop Harmony Society, i.e. the men’s barbershop organization.

prompting interesting conversations

Inspired by The 36 Questions That Lead to Love and Table Topics, we created cards to inspire conversations at our own apartment.

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Level I

Questions you could ask anyone at a cocktail party
  1. What’s a highlight from this past week?
  2. What’s a lowlight from this past week?
  3. What’s something you’re looking forward to in the upcoming week?
  4. What have you been listening to lately?
  5. What have you been reading lately?
  6. How did you decide to come to New York?
  7. What do you love and hate about New York?

Level II

Questions that you could still ask in a work environment
  1. What’s an irrational behavior that you have?
  2. What’s something that has recently changed priority for you?
  3. What’s something you value more than others?
  4. What would constitute a perfect” day for you?
  5. Tell your life story in 5 minutes.
  6. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life so far?

Level III

Questions that require a personal answer
  1. What do you know so far about your life purpose?
  2. What’s your hamming problem” the biggest problem that you’re trying to figure out for your life right now?
  3. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  4. What is your relationship with your family like?
  5. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Level IV

Questions involving our uglier sides
  1. Who’s someone with whom you have a disagreeable relationship?
  2. What kind of people do you envy?
  3. What’s something you’ve done that you regret?
  4. What are you afraid of right now?
  5. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  6. What is your most treasured memory?
  7. What is your most terrible memory?

Level V

Questions best asked when you’re already comfortable
  1. Who are the 5 people you spend the most time with? What kind of people are they?
  2. “Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” MLK Jr. What is a dark or unhappy part of your past that has constructively shaped who you are today?
  3. Draw a “lifeline” where the x-axis is time and the y-axis is happiness. Discuss the highest and lowest times in your life.
  4. Share something you think is a positive characteristic about the other person / the people next to you.
  5. Share a personal problem and ask for advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask them to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem.

Thank you to Jennifer for gifting the blank cards that inspired this project.

the future: skills for success

What skills will people need to be successful in the future?

Projects / Power

How to get something done. Intention → action → result. Personal or professional.
  • How to define a problem
  • How to solve problems
  • How to set goals and attain them
  • How to analyze data / qualitative information and understand what it says
  • How to build an inner BS-meter
  • How to take many pieces of information and synthesize them into a coherent narrative
  • How to make a decision
  • How to focus one’s attention & efforts
  • How to measure progress
  • How to evaluate success
  • How to delegate
  • Computer fluency, technical fluency
  • Ability to know when to apply technology, and in complex situations

Relationships

How to build & manage relationships, whether personal or professional
  • Start and building a trusted relationship
  • Dealing with / ending a relationship that’s changing / not working
  • How to demonstrate respect
  • How to demonstrate commitment to your words / to an idea / to a person
  • How to approach a difficult conversation
  • How to listen
  • How to understand people who are different from you socially, culturally, etc
  • Basic social psychology
  • How to communicate your ideas effectively given an other party / audience
  • How to craft an effective narrative / story and deliver it
  • How to be a leader

Self

How to be happy and well
  • How to drive your own personal growth, growth mindset
  • How to craft a personal narrative
  • How to be self-aware, e.g. about emotions
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Mindfulness / letting go / meditation
  • Practical ethics