belonging & conformity

According to Baumeister & Leary’s research on belonging:

• people need constant, positive, personal interactions with other people
• people need to know that the bond is stable, there is mutual concern, and that this attachment will continue
• people who lack belongingness are more prone to behavioral problems such as criminality and suicide and suffer from increasing mental and physical illness…. It therefore seems appropriate to regard belongingness…as a need rather than simply a want.

Belonging is closely related to group membership, and thus with the concept of conformity. Unsurprisingly, failing to conform is an obstacle for the feeling of belonging. Whether by choice or by chance, those of us who are different from the group are less likely to feel like we belong with that group.

I haven’t stopped yearning for the psychological safety of strongly belonging to one group, but I’ve also accepted that few groups if any truly capture my essence, because I cherish my own uniqueness and the beliefs I passionately hold. Belonging comes from a few strong one-on-one relationships, and from organizations that I care for but that don’t fully define me and in which I don’t always feel like I fully belong (and that’s okay).

For me, this is what it means to be an individual. For me, this is what it means to be an independent self.